Lifelines
by Maegmel
Summary: Sequel to She's the Other Half of Me, but also works as a standalone.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: The long-awaited sequel to, "She's the other Half of Me" has arrived!!! Only this time-it's Mac's POV people!!!! (And some time was skipped-Harm just went down in the Atlantic.) You don't have to read the other story to understand this. Just read and review!! The Good, Bad and Ugly!!!!!  
  
(Mac's POV)  
  
"No, the truth is you didn't consider it important..."  
  
"..maybe you should reconsider who you're marrying."  
  
"Have fun."  
  
"Aren't you going to wish me luck?" SLAM.  
  
Conversations like this were replaying in my mind as I drove with teary eyes through the rain soaked streets of D.C.  
  
"Aren't you happy for you?....."  
  
"Am I being unreasonable?"  
  
"You know Harm and flying, everything else takes second place .I think the only thing you can do is try not to take it personally, and just wish him the best luck."  
  
Harriet was right. I should have wished him good luck. DAMMIT MacKenzie!!! You should have... Now, he's out in the middle of the Atlantic because he tried to make it back in time for YOUR wedding. He was trying to redeem himself...  
  
A horn honking brought me back to reality, and I slammed on my breaks just in time to not hit the car in front of me. Phew! That WAS close.. I tried not to think of what the Admiral had said earlier, but that was the whole reason why I was out here in this accursed storm. I couldn't be around everyone who knew I was responsible for Harm's being in trouble. I couldn't stand most of all Mic's piercing stares. He knew. They all knew. I don't know how or where, but they all knew. Not only did they know I was responsible, but they all knew now my pretending to love Mic was a sham. Suddenly I found myself parked in front of Harm's apartment. I didn't even know how I'd gotten there.  
  
On a sudden urge I went inside, careful to avoid the elevator that never worked. Using my spare key I went in. Everything about the place looked virtually the same as when I'd last been there, which was untold ages ago. I moved through my best friend's living space as if in a trance. Picking up one object as sweet memories flooded past. Only to replace it when I reflected again on Harm's danger. You see, I, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie am in love with my partner and best friend, Harm. Only, he rejected me, hurting me more than anyone ever has before, these feelings pushed me to Mic. Mic offered me everything I've ever wanted from Harm. Up until a few hours ago I was going to marry him tomorrow. Or today. Hell, I don't even know what time it is anymore! For me not to know exactly what time it is, is like the having a cow jump over the moon. It just doesn't happen. I always know what time it is, even without a clock. It shows you exactly what a strain I'm under. I suppose Harm would find it funny to know he has that effect on you.There I go thinking on Harm again.  
  
With no particular intent in mind I open his nightstand drawer. I find a worn leather-covered book inside with no title. I opened it. Surprised to find it's a journal. Not just any journal, HARM'S journal. I'm also surprised to find he'd leave it in so obvious a spot. Then again, he is a squid, and they're not as imaginative as jarheads. I begin to read:  
  
May 20, 2001  
  
I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror, and was disgusted with me in general. Renée told me yesterday - well last night, after Mac's engagement party. That "You don't love me anymore Harm, or perhaps. you never did." As if she were daring me to deny it. I didn't. I was going to, but the words just stuck in my throat, I couldn't say them. Then, she walked off to her car.  
  
The little voice in my head reiterates what she said like a broken record as I drive home. I know why I couldn't say it. It's true, I DON'T love Renée, I never did. She was just a distraction, but I don't have the heart or, perhaps the courage, to tell her the truth. So, what is she the distraction from??? Simple. The woman who I really love. The only one I can love. The one who completes me. The only one I want my dress whites to work on. The only one who can make me dizzy and whip my six a dozen times a day. The one who keeps me on the ground. The one who scares the hell out of me. The one who'll do anything for me. The woman I kissed last night. That's right. She's my best friend. Her name? Sarah. Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie, soon-to-be-Brumby. Yep, right again, the woman I love is getting married to my arch-enemy, because I didn't get my sorry head out of my sorry six in time. This is rather embarrassing to admit-but the whole reason why I'm up this early (hey-you know me I'm never up early), is because I had yet ANOTHER dream about her. This wasn't like the last few, it was really short too, all I know is Mac was crying-weeping over someone or thing, and when I tried to get to her I couldn't, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why??????  
  
I kissed her last night, I can tell you right now, that sure wasn't a goodbye kiss. I've never kissed a woman like that before. Sure, so maybe you don't believe me. It's true though, on my word of honor. Mac's given me so many chances to tell her I love her but I've been too scared to tell her. Yeah, right, a Naval Commander is scared to death of a Marine Lieutenant Colonel. She's the first and last Marine I've ever been scared of. That's part of the reason I love her so much. Did she understand that wasn't a goodbye kiss? Probably not. Not anymore than the last time we kissed in Norfolk, she thought I was kissing Diane. She was wrong. It was her, it's always been her since I met her on day one. Not Diane, not Annie, not Jordan, not Renée, just her, and only her. The question is, what does she feel about this??? She probably hates me, and rightfully so. All I've ever done is fail her. Well, if she wants to marry Brumby. If she'll be happy with him, I'll have to be content. That's what love is. "Letting go." The only problem is, it's so terribly painful. I thought nothing could hurt more than losing my father. It can, this can, and a hundred times worse....  
  
DAMN! Now, I'm late for work! Admiral's gonna kill me. Oh well, I already feel like I'm dead. I'm shipping out to the Patrick Henry for my quals. See you after they're done...  
  
I dropped his journal as if I'd been burned. Indeed, I had. He had dreams about me! I thought I was the only one who had premonition dreams, apparently not He had dreamt about his crash-he just didn't know it.Then, it hit me. So, he did love you. The voice inside my head is at it again. You're such a nitwit.. How could you not realize what he meant???!!!!!! You tried to make him jealous, but you only succeeded in hurting him worse than ever before. NOW, he's probably going to die not knowing what you think of him. Angry thoughts like these were racing through my head. Oh, God! What HAVE I done? WHAT have I done??!!! Then, I began to blame myself. There was one thing I alone could do, and it had to be done. For no particular reason, I grabbed his journal and made a dash towards the door-and subsequently, my car. I had to tell Mic it was off, all off. I had to tell him....  
  
A/N: So?! What did you think? I'm giving Mac a guilt trip, because I believe that at this point in their relationship it's her fault they're not together. How could she not pick up on the clues he gave her in LIFELINE????? Anyway-what did you think of his journal entry??? 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Oh my gosh!!! (I know, that's my fav. Phrase) THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!! TEN REVIEWS ON THE 1st CH.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
I slammed down the car breaks for the second time that night nearly hitting the driver in front of me. I saw Harm! Not really saw him in front of me, but I know where he is now. I raced back to JAG, breaking all speed limits along the way. It's a miracle I wasn't arrested. I ran into Renée who was just leaving.  
  
"Renée, where are you going? Have they found Harm?" I asked.  
  
"No, Mac they haven't found him, and I'm leaving." She tried to push me aside. I was torn, Renée was obviously hurting, but I wanted to know more about Harm. Then, I chased after her, it's what he would've wanted.  
  
"Why are you leaving Renée?" I asked puzzled.  
  
"Why would you care? Why don't you just go inside and forget you saw me?"  
  
"Renée, you are my best friend's girlfriend. That's why I should care."  
  
"Yeah, well, not anymore. He cares more about his stupid planes and you than me. I told him so after your party. He didn't even try to deny it! For all I care he can stay in the Atlantic! Goodbye." With that she got into her car and drove off. Well, I'd done all I could. I ran inside nearly smacking in my fiancée. Whom I ignored, in my dash to the Admiral.  
  
Tiner notified me he was in his office. I knocked quickly, a gruff voice said,  
  
"DAMMIT! You don't need to knock at a time like this, especially if you have news."  
  
"Sir?" I poked my head in timidly.  
  
"Mac." He sounded relieved. "I was about to send Roberts out to find you."  
  
"Any news Admiral?" I asked hopefully.  
  
"None. Except that if he's alive, he won't be much longer." He looked defeated. I had never seen him this way before.  
  
"Uh.. Sir, I think I know where he is. You see I found Chloe this way." I explained my vision, and identified a spot on his map. He called up the Skipper of the Patrick Henry, and relayed my idea. The Skipper was skeptical, but accepted my coordinates. The Admiral tried to order me home to rest. I refused, and opted for my office. I walked out, Mic was waiting for me.  
  
"Sarah..luv..we need to talk." I even hated the sound of his voice now. Duh, we need to talk, but not about what you think.  
  
"My office." I replied curtly.  
  
Once I closed the door he began to speak.  
  
"Sarah, where have you been? What have you been doing?" perhaps it was just my imagination, but his voice seemed to grow threatening, like a memory from my distant past. A memory Harm had helped me lock up.  
  
"Where have you been, you filthy little bitch? Huh? What have you been doing?" A vase crashed nearby me as I crouched, scared of my father in his drunken rage.  
  
"P-Playing."  
  
"With who you whore?"  
  
"M-My friends"  
  
"What friends?" Slap. I rubbed the cheek he'd hit me on that night. I could almost feel the pain.  
  
"Sarah." Mic asked.  
  
"None of your business Mic. Look, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realize this, but I don't love you Mic. I never did. I never will. Here's your ring." I handed it to him. He was stunned.  
  
"It's Harm isn't it? You always loved him. Not me. Well, let me make this clear. I hope your precious little Commander dies in that fucking ocean!!!" He stormed out.  
  
Once I heard the door slam, I collapsed in my chair, weeping up such a storm surely I flooded everything in my office. I didn't weep for Mic, or myself, but my best friend, who was dying right now, in the middle of a cold ocean. There was nothing I could do about it. Not a thing. Harm, I thought desperately I need you. PLEASE don't leave me. Not now. Harm, I love you.  
  
I cried myself to sleep..  
  
Lifelines: Author's Note: Sorry for those of you who were hoping for a new chapter, but there have been soooooo many reviews, I thought I should address them. I asked for the good, bad and ugly and that's what I got. So thank you for those of you who took the time review!!!!  
  
Shannon: Thanks for the encouragement!!! It's always nice to know what the readers think of the stories!!!!  
  
Cool Cat: Will try to do. Thanks for reviewing!!!  
  
et-spiritus-sancti: I LOVE you sancti!!! You've reviewed all my JAG stories and you rock!!!! Thanks for the encouragement! I did ask for any type of review and I got what I asked for. I try to think of myself as fair to both characters-but there are bound to be people who disagree. Although I will admit my sister is a great writer, she needs her work, as do I. I can learn from her, and she can learn from me. Thanks again!!!!  
  
JAGFan101: Yeah, I do too, but that's just the "way the cookie crumbles" as my dad would say.. Thanks for reviewing!!!!  
  
JAGFAN: Will do, I have planned this story, and I promise to finish it, nomatter what anyone says. Thanks for taking time to review!!!! (Happy ending promised, although I usually don't give spoilers.)  
  
~~0: I would presume you also use the 'Mac basher-slayer' name, please correct me if I am wrong. First I would like to say that yes, you are correct, I can learn from my sister, but she can also learn from me. Second I would like to say that your review hurt me, although perhaps you intended it that way, I cannot tell. Again, if I am wrong, correct me. Thirdly, I would like to point out that you are wrong in saying I favor Harm. I try my best to balance my blame. As far as I am concerned they take equal blame for where their relationship is today. Perhaps you might like to read the prequel to this, "She's the Other Half of Me." It is all from Harm's POV, and he is blaming himself for Mac's engagement. If that is more up your alley, please read it. You are semi-right in that Mac's life was harder than Harm's, but not everything that hurt him, or went wrong was a result of his actions. Can you blame him for his father being shot down? Or Diane's death? What of his crash (the 1st one), or his mother's re- marriage? None of these can be blamed on him, but even so, they hurt him. Now, yes, Harm has made some VERY BAD decisions, I will admit that, all the way up to the ADRIFT episodes, he was always running. Whenever Mac asked if they wanted to go further, it was practically always him who backed down. The most infamous time being Sydney Harbor, and yes, I hate that episode. Because Harm & Mac made some terrible decisions. First Harm evasively answers her question as to if they will have a relationship, then Mac goes and decides she'll think on Bugme's proposal as a result. She misunderstood him, because he was evasive, and that misunderstanding drove her to the bug. But, after Harm's crash (the 2nd one) the reverse seems to be happening, Mac is running from Harm. My question is, will they ever get it right????? Thank you for taking the time to review, I appreciate your comments. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
"MAC! MAC! Wake up! They've found him!!!!" Chloe was near screaming in my ear.  
  
I was immediately wide awake. "Where is he? How is he?" Silence. "CHLOE!!!!!!"  
  
"Alright. He's on the Patrick Henry, but he's got severe hypothermia, and he's really chewed up. Last I knew, unconscious too."  
  
"I need to get out there.." I murmured already making my way to the Admiral.  
  
"Uh. Mac, about Brumby, what, uh..happened?" asked the ever inquisitive Chloe.  
  
"I broke up with him, and he was ranting at me." I stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"Oh."  
  
I found the Admiral in the break room getting some coffee. "Sir, I was hoping you would allow me to ship out to the Patrick Henry, to see Harm Sir." I asked.  
  
"Mac, I'm well aware that you feel it necessary to be there. We can't get you out there that easily though. There's not another helo scheduled until at least tomorrow-"  
  
"Respectfully, Admiral, I HAVE to be there. If I'd been the one hurt, he'd have been there for me. Sir, there is no one else-"  
  
"Point taken. If you'd been the one in trouble Rabb would be there, hell or high water.even if he had to resign."  
  
"If that is necessary, Sir, I'll resign. With all due respect, I must to be there, Sir, and you can't stop me."  
  
"Alright. You may go. I can't afford to lose both my senior attorneys in 24 hrs. Be back here by 1100 hrs. Maybe I'll have gotten a helo by then."  
  
"Thank you Admiral."  
  
"Just get both of you two back in one piece, that'll be thanks enough. Dismissed."  
  
"Aye, Aye Sir." It felt kinda weird to salute when I wasn't in uniform, but uniform or none, I was still a Marine.  
  
As I exited the break room Harriet started walking in my direction. She looked exhausted, but then so did everyone. Especially me. "Ma'am, I was wondering if there was anything Bud or I could do for you and the Commander."  
  
"Two things, Lieutenant Sims. Wait here a moment." I tracked Chloe down, and brought her over. "Harriet, could you please watch over Chloe until I return from the Patrick Henry. Second, Lieutenant, I am giving you and your husband direct orders to go home and sleep for a few hours."  
  
"Yes Ma'am. Tell the Commander I hope he gets better soon. Bud, little AJ and I really miss him."  
  
"I will." If he ever wakes up. "Thank you Harriet." Harriet walked off. "Chloe, I hope you understand I'm not dumping you on the Roberts. I just need to be there for Harm. I promise we'll have lots of fun when I get back, Okay?"  
  
"It's alright, I understand Mac. Especially if you're going to marry him now." I laughed nervously. I sure do hope so!!!! "That's up to Harm, Chloe, not me."  
  
"I know, but he loves you, I KNOW he does."  
  
"You run along before you cause more mischief!"  
  
She giggled. "Should I hide on top of the elevator again?" Then she ran off before I could answer.  
  
I hurried on to my office, packing up things, and realizing, surprised, that Harm's journal was still in my coat pocket. I sure do hope he doesn't kill me for reading it. Harm's never been very open with his emotions. HAH! Like I didn't know that best of anyone.. Bud knocked on the door. "Enter." I said distractedly.  
  
"Ma'am, I really wish I could go with you to help Commander Rabb. Is there anything else we can do?"  
  
"No Bud, except get some rest."  
  
"With all do respect Ma'am you could use some yourself."  
  
"Bud, look." I stopped shuffling things around to give him my full attention. "I appreciate your concern. Harm will probably tell me the same thing." If he wakes up.. "The difference is, he can't order me around, if you came he'd probably order you back home. It's not that he doesn't care, he does. Harm always thinks of others before himself though, and right now, he would say your duty is to comfort your family. He'll probably try to send me back too, if that's any comfort."  
  
"Yes Ma'am, send him my best wishes. Please try to get some rest yourself Colonel." "I'll try Bud. Thank you." He walked out, but I knew if I hadn't ordered him not to, he'd be doing everything to come with me..  
  
A/N: Well, I know this chapter stinks, but I'm sorry! It's my sister's b- day weekend, and I've got gobs of homework. I think Mac might be slightly out of character in asking Harriet to take Chloe. Tell me what you guys think! Review reactions:  
  
Ladyhound: Thank you for the encouragement, I really appreciate it!  
  
Sancti: You're awesome!!!!! (I love your new chapter!)  
  
SarahRabb705: Again, thanks for reviewing & the encouragement!!  
  
e-dog: Thank you tons!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Miran Anders: Well, that's the way FFN is. I can't make "~~" give a name. Thanks for the encouragement!!  
  
~~: Well, I respect your opinion. I hope you can learn to respect mine, but since you seem to have no intention of listening to me, I will not waste my time trying to explain my story to you. I'm sorry if I've offended you or anyone else, but I have a very short temper.. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
I rushed about my home stashing things into bags, my mind going through an automatic checklist of things I'd need or want on the Patrick Henry. Then an odd idea popped into my head. Where does Harm go when he really needs support? I moved more quickly than before, if I left in about fifteen minutes I'd still have time for a quick visit to the wall....  
  
I felt awkward once I arrived. I stood "at ease" in my Marine greens in front of a black wall that contained my best friend's father's name engraved on it. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Taking a quick look around to see that nobody was within hearing range, I spoke.  
  
"Lieutenant Harmon Rabb, I'm uhhh. Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. I know your son, Harm." Nervous laugh. "I've never come here before, so I don't really know what to do. Your son's in a lot of trouble though. He was doing his quals on the Patrick Henry, and on the return flight to Andrews he ran into a storm, and had to punch out. I really wish he'd give up flying, it's so dangerous, but he feels it's his only link to you. He loves and misses you desperately, I'd know, I would like to think I'm his best friend. After everything I've done to him though, I wouldn't blame him if he didn't even glance in my direction. You see, I hurt your son a lot. I was going to marry his worst enemy.I broke up with the guy last night, but your son got caught in the storm because he was trying to make it back in time for my wedding.I-I wouldn't wish him luck on his quals because I was afraid he'd miss it.. I'm sorry for rambling on and on there. I'm just really nervous. I've got a ride out to the carrier in about an hour. I'm going to see your son. He's in pretty bad condition as far as I know. I hope you'll let him stay down here with us a while longer..You see Sir, I'm madly in love with your son." Alright, I know, I'm a higher rank than he is, but he's done a lot for his son, his country and even me. I think he deserves my respect. "Sir, I'm hoping you and your son can forgive me. I- I've loved him since I first saw him, he's done so much for me, like standing up for me when nobody else would. Your son is a fine man, you'd be proud of him today. He helps others without a thought as to himself, or his own feelings. I love him for this, for everything, please don't take him from me." With that I saluted, spun around and headed toward my car.  
  
When I entered the JAG ops, Gunny saluted me on my way in.  
  
"Hello Ma'am, I hear you're off to see the Commander, tell him we all miss him, Marine or not." I laughed.  
  
"Thanks Gunny I'm sure he'll appreciate it. When was the last time you slept?"  
  
"The night before last Ma'am."  
  
"You need to get some rest."  
  
"I'm not going home until I hear about Commander Rabb, neither is the Admiral. Semper Fi doesn't apply just to Marines Colonel."  
  
"Well, I'll see that you get some news soon Gunny."  
  
"Thanks Ma'am."  
  
I found Tiner already waiting for my arrival. "Colonel MacKenzie to see you Sir." He spoke into the intercom.  
  
"Tell her to get in here." Barked my C.O.  
  
"Yes Sir. Ma'am I hope the Commander gets well soon."  
  
"I do too Tiner. I do too.." I murmured as I walked through the Admiral's door.  
  
"Well, Mac you just so happen to be lucky. A helo has been found to fly you to the Patrick Henry. Unfortunately, it leaves five minutes from now. They have agreed to delay for an hour to allow you time to get to Andrews, and through checkpoints and such."  
  
"Thank you Sir. I have a question though-"  
  
"I already know you sent the Roberts home, and that's fine by me."  
  
"Well, ah Sir. From what I've heard, many of the staff hasn't had much if any sleep. Would it be okay to dismiss them for the day?"  
  
"I'll try Colonel, but aside from ordering them home, like you did with the Roberts, I doubt they'll comply."  
  
"Thank you again Sir."  
  
"Just bring the two of you back in one piece." he repeated. "Dismissed." I saluted and left.  
  
I drove as quickly as I could to Andrews, but for me it just wasn't quick enough. Every second I wasn't with Harm was torture...  
  
A/N: What did you think of the wall scene? It just came to me when I was writing, it wasn't even planned that way. Thanks for reviewing peoplz!!!! 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Well, here's the new ch., but something seems to be wrong with it, and I can't put my finger on it. Oh well. Reviews addressed @ end..  
  
Chapter 5  
  
I just made it to Andrews on time. The helo flight was tedious. Sometimes when I was a little girl I wished I could become a bird and fly away from all my problems. Now, I wanted to be a bird, because I felt the one I was in wasn't going fast enough.  
  
I tried mind-contact. I know it sounds nutty, but I was desperate. I had to have some sort of contact with Harm. I didn't dare read his journal where others might see it. It was bad enough I'd invaded his privacy, but to have complete strangers do it.. I don't even want to go there. My hands were twitching, and I couldn't control them. Then I began to shake all over, I had this awful sinking feeling Harm was getting worse if not dying. It was all I could do not to scream at the pilot to go faster, or burst into tears. Me, a Marine, the woman who's been through everything. The woman who had a drunk for a father, a mother who left her at fifteen. Who became an alcoholic, married a con, the woman who picked her life out of the gutter and made something of it. The woman who had been through all this was about to sob over her best friend in front of a Lieutenant J.G. and two zoomies. (Zoomie is a nickname for the Airforce.) The lieutenant turned to me. "Ma'am would you like some water?" she asked holding out a bottle.  
  
"Yes, thank you." I reached for it and took a long drink hoping to steady myself.  
  
"If you don't mind my asking, ma'am, are you alright?"  
  
I shook my head. "It's alright Lieutenant-what did you say your name was?"  
  
"Lieutenant J.G. Jessica Green."  
  
"Glad to meet you. May I call you Jessica?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Well, I'm Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie-JAG corps, just call me Mac."  
  
"Okay. Mac, what's wrong?"  
  
"It's a very long story Jessica, that began nearly six years ago, in the White House Rose Garden..."  
  
By the time I'd finished my tale, I practically had Jessica crying with me. "Mac, I sure hope the Commander pulls through this time."  
  
"So do I Jessica. So do I."  
  
"Did you say Commander Rabb?" asked the co-pilot.  
  
"Yes I did. Harm was out here for his quals, he didn't make it back to Andrews because of some blasted storm." I replied.  
  
"I heard something along those lines from people around the base, they said one of the Navy's top pilots had flown into a storm to get back in time for his friend's wedding, and that he had to punch out. Last I heard he was in very serious condition." The pilot said.  
  
"Yeah." I sighed. "I was that friend."  
  
"I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sure he'll make it through, even though he's Navy I hear he's a hell of a pilot. You know he's a legend on the base? Always getting out of tough spots like this one..."  
  
Silence pervaded the rest of the ride. Yet, I kept thinking over and over, Even legends fail eventually. Perhaps this is Harm's last chance. He may not make it..He has to make it!!! Everyone back at JAG needs him! He doesn't even know I love him yet! He can't die!!!!  
  
"We're landing ma'am. Please put on your seat belt." The pilot's voice snapped me back to reality. I was already mapping the quickest route to sickbay from the carrier's deck in my mind.  
  
Only out of habit did I salute the military personnel I passed in my mad dash to sickbay. A petty officer stopped me to inform me where my cabin was. I thanked him, barely stopping there to drop off my things. I flung them absently into the cabin, not caring what broke. I continued quickly to sickbay. A clock formed in my mind with the precious seconds of Harm's life just ticking away...  
  
A/N: As promised, here are the responses:  
  
Sancti: Glad you liked the wall scene. In JAG shows we see Harm talking to his dad, but never Mac talking to him. Considering how close they are this surprises me, so I decided to include a scene like that.  
  
NavyChick: Will do! Thanks for the review!!!  
  
~~: Alright, you have improved in your reviews, they have become more civil I'll admit that. But I don't think you understand where I'm coming from. I don't normally bring this up, because it's considered a family secret, and as far as I'm concerned it's nobody's business because it's history. I'm only bringing this up because it seems to be the only way to stop you from continually ranting at me. My family background is riddled with abuse be it physical or emotional. So quit telling me to go research it. I already have first-hand sources, not to mention I have been on the receiving hand of some really nasty stuff. So, is that enough research for you?  
  
Vickleberry: Thank for reviewing, and understanding where I'm coming from.  
  
Ruli: My prequel to this didn't have a happy ending, and I usually get mad at authors who don't, so, even though I don't normally give spoilers, yes, Harm will survive.  
  
Thank you to all of you who took the time to review!!!! I appreciate it!!!  
  
Author's Note: Again!!! Sorry peoplz!!! You must hate me for all these notes!! But I have to react to some of these reviews!!!  
  
Lt. Col. Eowyn: Your personal opinions aren't always shared amongst Harm/Mac shippers. Or any shipper for that matter. Yes tragedy is a part of life, but one must move on. I normally hate it, as to why I write it, usually because I'm mad at DPB or something..  
  
Lisa: For the life of me I never understood why this story was so popular. I personally think it's one of my worst pieces. Thanks anyway!!!!  
  
Miran Anders: Yep, that's what we seem to do best here, get up front and personal. Oh well, I suppose it's partly my fault. Thanks for reviewing!!!!  
  
Sancti: Yes. Zoomies. Your cuz will probably kill you though. I actually learned it from another author, but now I've forgotten who it was... Thank you..  
  
e-dog: Will try to update-hey, maybe I'll even give you guys a chapter after this, have yet to decide.  
  
~~: Okay, you say I'm ignoring my past. That past always influences the future. What's more you're calling me a hypocrite for saying I love history, but not knowing "it's in the past." I beg to differ. Obviously I still have not made my point. I have learned a great deal though from your last review. You and I come from totally different viewpoints. No, I am not a hypocrite, I have simply learned not to "dwell on the past" or feel sorry for myself. I do not blame say for instance my not being "Miss Popularity" at school on my past problems. I am responsible for my actions, and myself alone. Are you responsible for my actions? Certainly not. Say for instance my friend has a father who abused her. So, when she grows up, she abuses her children so much that one dies. Is her father responsible for what she did? Is he? Should he go to court? Or, is she responsible? I don't normally like to bring religion into affairs such as these, but I have gone to counseling and I have been able to put this behind me. My religion has taught me what I have just re-iterated here. No, you do not have to believe it. I am not asking you to. I am simply explaining why I have the view I do. Again, if I am wrong on your views please correct me. The whole point of FFN is so authors can express their views on what is/has happening/happened in these shows or books, I am doing just that. Yes, I do have problems, and the memories are still there, but I do not blame them on others. You are saying, I believe that Mac is not responsible for her actions because her father abused her. This is why she draws away from Harm when he hurts her. I can understand that. But, you cannot go making Harm or her father or any other figure in her life a scapegoat, because Mac is responsible for her actions. As a lawyer she knows that. What's more I don't want any sarcastic pity from my readers I revealed what I did because I thought it might help, NOT because I wanted pity of any 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
I was stopped by Captain Ingles just outside sickbay. "Welcome aboard Colonel. I'm sorry it couldn't have been under better circumstances."  
  
"Me too Sir. Now, if you'll excuse me." I tried to get past him. He wouldn't budge.  
  
"Colonel, I'm warning you. He's pretty chewed up, he's got hypothermia, and he's unconscious. You may not want to go in there. He may not even remember you if he wakes up."  
  
"Remember me?" I was so puzzled I forgot to add "Sir."  
  
"Apparently being in the ocean so long may have altered, or deleted parts of his memory somewhat, how much we won't know unless he wakes up."  
  
"Sir, I really need to see him, whether he remembers me or not."  
  
"Good luck to both of you." He walked off. In spite of myself, I was stunned. Considering Harm had really ticked him off during an investigation of one of his officers, and the fact that he had had to go out of the way to find Harm.Well, I'll admit I didn't think he'd be so sympathetic.  
  
I identified myself to the petty officer standing watch, and he pointed to where Harm lay. Harm was surrounded by doctors, nurses and tubes of-who- knows-what. Machines were beeping, and the doctors were shouting out orders. I spoke to one of them:  
  
"Excuse me," my voice was trembling, "I know Commander Rabb, can I see him?"  
  
"Miss, no offence, but right now we're busy trying to save your friend's life, perhaps another time. Commander .... WAKE UP COMMANDER!!!"  
  
Harm's heart rate was falling, the doctor was trying to shake him awake, while frantically calling out orders.  
  
"Look Lieutenant, I know this man, he may respond to me." I suggested more confidently than I felt.  
  
He spoke to Harm, "Alright Commander, one of your friends is coming to talk to you. Colonel Mackenzie, listen to her okay??" He cleared away, allowing me room.  
  
"Harm, Harm, it's me, Mac. Harm, you can't just leave us like this. What about your mother, how would she feel if she lost another man to flying.your grandmother, Harm, it would break her heart." No reaction, except his heart rate was falling faster. "Harm, what about the Admiral? He loves you like a son. He's worried for you, all of JAG is. What about Harriet? Or Bud, he wanted to come out here you know, or our godson little AJ? Who'll teach him to fly?" I flung myself on his chest, though to this day I don't know why. "HARM!!! HARM!!! Can you hear me?" I started sobbing. Very un-Marine-like, but right now I wasn't a Marine, but an absolutely desperate woman. "Harm, I need YOU! Harm, you said you weren't ever going to let me beat you at anything without trying your best. Are you going to let me outlive you? Harm, you aren't trying your best, I KNOW you're not. HARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I was screaming as one of the assistants tried to drag me away. I resisted, but he was strong, and I lacked the strength because of my strain to overpower him. "HARM I LOVE YOU!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!!!!!"  
  
A/N: So, would you rather I not have updated??? 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
Suddenly, everyone turned in my direction, sheesh, I thought, it's not like this is the first time some woman has told a dying sailor she loves him...I heard him, and then I knew why.  
  
"Mac? Mac? Where did you go?" he croaked, obviously confused. The assistant released me.  
  
"Harm," I said walking forward, my eyes nearly blinded with tears, "Harm, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." My voice shook with my emotional strain. I took his hand and sat down while the doctors continued their work. What surprised me was the coldness of his hand and arm, usually Harm was the warm one, and I was cold. I rubbed my hands against his, trying to restore his warmth. He looked at me the whole time, as if he could not believe I was here. He couldn't say anything because he had an oxygen mask on, but I could tell he wanted too. For now I was content at this, he needed some time before I could even begin to explain some of the complex events of the last day. Right now, I was just ecstatic that I hadn't lost him. I'd never come this close to losing someone I cared so much about before. It was a rather frightening experience, especially to learn that no matter how strong Harm may like us to think he is, he's not invincible. I, of all people should know that. I'm probably the only one who's ever seen him cry, except for maybe his grandmother, and even she wasn't there in Russia. I've seen him at the wall. To my knowledge only Sergei has shared that experience, and only once. I saw the emotional torture I put him through in Australia. Yeah, Bud was there, and so was Mic, and even later the Admiral. Bud may be Harm's best guy friend, a sort of surrogate 'little brother', but he is also Harm's subordinate, he doesn't know everything I do about him. Mic has no attunement whatsoever to Harm's feelings, except that he knew he could hurt Harm by taking me. The Admiral is like our 'Father', but also our superior, and for that very reason, he doesn't know everything either. Besides, Harm is a guy, and there is absolutely NO WAY on earth Harm would ever cry in front of them. It's some chauvinistic code of 'honor,' he follows, but then Harm has always been a mixture of chauvinism and chivalry. Sometimes the line between the two is so fine, it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. Harm is not a total chauvinist though, he has told me more than once, I am "..more than capable of kicking [his] six anytime [I] feel like it." He knows, and admits I am a fully capable Marine. I feel privileged to have been the recipient of a good many of his compliments, and Harm is not one to hand out compliments lightly. I know this too. Basically, one can sum Harm up this way, if you earn his love and respect, he will literally go to the ends of the earth for you. On the other hand, if you prevent his protecting these 'select few' Heaven help you, he will do anything in his power to get back at you. Yet, if someone hurts him, only those close enough to him can tell, because he does absolutely nothing. NOTHING!! For a man so passionate and loyal about his causes it's rather surprising. I know this first hand, Harm let Mic run right over him concerning me. Yet, even though I'd hurt him probably deeper than anyone before, when I asked for help, he was the first to come running. Talk about a guilt trip!  
  
The medics seem to have nearly finished their work here, it looks like I may have some time with him alone now...  
  
A/N: Sorry about lack of updates. Family was over & I didn't have much of a chance...  
  
A/N: Alright, I'm really sorry guys. I was sick on Mon., and I burned my hand pretty bad (on hot tea). It's my right one too. It's pretty hard to type with my left only. I was gonna have my sis do this, but she got sick too. After awhile my hand gets tired, so I can't type chapters up. This means I will still review (less typing), but no chaps for now.Will be back ASAP, promise I'll make it up to you guys. Thankx for understanding.  
  
~Pennithil 


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I'm Back!!!!! Thankx for all the well-wishes!!!  
I'm going to say this ahead of schedule. I read this  
story to my mom and she thought this particular  
chapter was unrealistic, sorry if you think that way,  
but I'm too lazy to change it..  
  
Chapter 8  
  
They just left, with some instructions on what to do if a problem occurs. They said he can only have the oxygen mask off for a few minutes at a time. I try to listen as patiently as possible, but I can hardly wait to be alone with him. FINALLY they file out.  
  
"Harm," I begin haltingly, suddenly nervous, "I-I've got a lot to explain."  
  
"No, wait-" he interrupts hoarsely, "let me apologize, for missing your wedding." He looked absolutely dejected when he said that, obviously he hadn't heard my outburst, or thought he was losing his mind. Knowing how he'd miraculously woken up at that I supposed it was the latter.  
  
"Harm," I begin softly, "look." I hold up both hands, bare of any rings, save my Marine Corps one. He'd have to recognize that one, I mean it didn't look anything like the ring Mic gave me.  
  
He looks at my hands and blinks, tries to rub his eyes, and then reaches for my hands, as if he doesn't believe his own eyes.  
  
"I'm dreaming." He states simply. "This has got to be a dream."  
  
"Well, then we're both dreaming the same dream Harm."  
  
"Then I hit my head pretty hard, or I swallowed too much seawater."  
  
"If you hit your head, then you'd snap out of it momentarily right?"  
  
"Okay, then it was too much seawater."  
  
"Last I checked seawater didn't give hallucinations that you can feel." I clasp his hand over mine. "Now do you believe me?"  
  
There was a long pause, slowly he looked up at me with the goofiest grin I'd ever seen on his face. "You're not going to marry Brumby?" he asked.  
  
"No Harm, I have not, nor will I ever think of marrying Brumby again." As I said that it was as if a huge load just slide off my shoulders. I felt so relieved.  
  
"I-I'm speechless. Thank you Mac." He replied.  
  
"I have finally got the great Harmon Rabb speechless." I laughed.  
  
"Don't let that get out, I've got a reputation to protect."  
  
"Uh-Harm, I've got a lot to tell you. Why don't I put your mask back on, and you listen."  
  
"Trying to silence me?" he teased.  
  
"I want to get it all out before I lose my courage. Please Harm, this stuff is pretty serious."  
  
"Alright, but you're going to have to take it back off soon."  
  
I laughed, and put it back on him.  
  
*"Do you two always work so well together?"  
  
"When he lets me do the talking." That's one of the older memories we have together. I think it was my first visit to the Watertown.*  
  
"Well, I began," wrenching my thoughts back to the horrors of last night. "It all began at the restaurant when the Admiral said:  
  
*"Umm.I was just passed through to ahh...Captain Ingles the skipper aboard the carrier Patrick Henry. Commander Rabb and his RIO Lieutenant Hawks got in some trouble on a ahh. trip to Andrews. They were believed to have gone down at sea.."*  
  
I told him everything from that point on. About how when we were returning to JAG I ended up at his place instead, about how I'd read his journal. My determination to find him, and tell Mic it was off. About Renée. About the night at the office, this morning when I learned they'd found him, my argument with the Admiral to get out here, the wall visit, and all the well wishes from our friends.  
  
Now, I had placed myself at his mercy. What was he going to say when I removed his mask.....  
  
A/N: Hey, there's another chapter peoplez!!! 


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Another 'I don't think I like it' chapter. Oh well..  
  
Chapter 9  
  
He looked at me for a long time, saying nothing. I was growing impatient. So I spoke, "Harm, look I'm sorry about reading your journal. I thought you were dying-I don't know, but I had to read it, well I wanted to. Wouldn't you have done the same thing?"  
  
"Mac, I completely understand the journal part. You deserved to know what was in there, and yes I probably would've done the same thing in your position. You're going to have to explain some more though, who is Renée? Why would I be so concerned about her?"  
  
"Would you like me to read you the journal entry? It would explain some of it."  
  
"Yes, in fact you may end up reading most if not all of it, I've forgotten a lot."  
  
"Yet, nothing concerning me?"  
  
"Mac, do you need me to spell it out?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I LOVE you Sarah, I have since the first day we met. It had nothing to do with Diane. In fact, I've never loved someone as much as you, it's scary as hell to think I might mess up."  
  
"I love you too Harm, but we need to get through this together."  
  
"Point taken. Now read the journal before I get nervous and won't let you."  
  
"Where do I begin?"  
  
"The entry you said you read."  
  
I began,  
  
May 20, 2001 I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror, and was disgusted with me in general. Renée told me yesterday - well last night, after Mac's engagement party. That "You don't love me anymore Harm, or perhaps. you never did." As if she were daring me to deny it. I didn't. I was going to, but the words just stuck in my throat, I couldn't say them. Then, she walked off to her car.  
  
The little voice in my head reiterates what she said like a broken record as I drive home. I know why I couldn't say it. It's true, I DON'T love Renée, I never did. She was just a distraction, but I don't have the heart or, perhaps the courage, to tell her the truth. So, what is she the distraction from??? Simple. The woman who I really love. The only one I can love. The one who completes me. The only one I want my dress whites to work on. The only one who can make me dizzy and whip my six a dozen times a day. The one who keeps me on the ground. The one who scares the hell out of me. The one who'll do anything for me. The woman I kissed last night. That's right. She's my best friend. Her name? Sarah. Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie, soon-to-be-Brumby. Yep, right again, the woman I love is getting married to my arch-enemy, because I didn't get my sorry head out of my sorry six in time.  
  
I kissed her last night, I can tell you right now, that sure wasn't a goodbye kiss. I've never kissed a woman like that before. Sure, so maybe you don't believe me. It's true though, on my word of honor. Mac's given me so many chances to tell her I love her but I've been too scared to tell her. Yeah, right, a Naval Commander is scared to death of a Marine Lieutenant Colonel. She's the first and last Marine I've ever been scared of. That's part of the reason I love her so much. Did she understand that wasn't a goodbye kiss? Probably not. Not anymore than the last time we kissed in Norfolk, she thought I was kissing Diane. She was wrong. It was her, it's always been her since I met her on day one. Not Diane, not Annie, not Jordan, not Renée, just her, and only her. The question is, what does she feel about this??? She probably hates me, and rightfully so. All I've ever done is fail her. Well, if she wants to marry Brumby. If she'll be happy with him, I'll have to be content. That's what love is. "Letting go." The only problem is, it's so terribly painful. I thought nothing could hurt more than losing my father. It can, this can, and a hundred times worse.  
  
DAMN! Now, I'm late for work! Admiral's gonna kill me. Oh well, I already feel like I'm dead. I'm shipping out to the Patrick Henry for my quals. See you after they're done..."  
  
I looked up nervously. Although I hadn't read anything other than this, the entry I read was probably the most emotional and open of all of them.  
  
"I remember feeling very-how do you say it? Well, dispirited doesn't seem deep enough. That entry, I meant every last word. I know that much. I vaguely remember feeling extremely depressed when I wrote this, and when I shipped out. It was like my heart got ripped out and run over by a car. There isn't a word in this language to describe it. It just hurt too much. I- if I'd brought this journal on board, I wouldn't be surprised to find out if one of the entries I wrote was suicidal. Perhaps that's what I was thinking after Hawks punched out." He seemed almost lost, and his little revelation about being possibly suicidal was certainly an eye-opener. I never thought of Harm that way before. He never seemed to be that type. *Think about it girl, is it really that surprising? He lost his father, he felt his mother betrayed him, he lost Diane, he lost his wings, and now he thought he was losing me. What else was left to live for? To see the woman he loved married to his arch-enemy?*  
  
"Harm, do you think you might need counseling?"  
  
"I certainly DO NOT NEED a shrink!" he said as loudly as possible. I cringed a little. He usually didn't yell at me like that, and it was surprising he could still do so after his near scrape with death. "I'm sorry Mac, it's just I hate shrinks. They were always telling me to 'accept your father's death, learn to like your step-father. He's really a nice man you know.' They told me virtually the same thing after my crash. I hate them."  
  
"Did you hate Jordan?"  
  
"I hated her job. I wasn't that wild about her either. Tell me about this Renée though."  
  
What can I say that's nice about the video princess.... 


	10. Chapter 10 and Epilogue

A/N: Well, at long last this is the end of LIFELINES. I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to review it really help the author. The ending is kinda bizarre, but I felt this needed some humor after all the angst. Happy reading!!!!  
  
Chapter 10  
  
"She was your most recent girlfriend Harm."  
  
"Oh. What did you think of her?"  
  
"She looked nice enough."  
  
"Not the exterior of her Mac. What did you think of who she was as a person?"  
  
"She's not military wife material."  
  
"I already knew that. Tell me what you really thought of her."  
  
"You won't like it."  
  
"Mac, your opinion means more to me than anyone's, especially now."  
  
"My opinion of Renée is a spoiled girl who doesn't have enough charity to think of anyone else but herself. She's not very strong in a crisis either." Like you were.  
  
"I take it you're not saying everything you'd like to. Nevermind, she's history."  
  
Harm had never been so dismissive of his girlfriends in the past. He must have really changed. I think I liked his new self though. "Mac? Where'd you go?" his voice removed me from my reverie.  
  
"Nowhere."  
  
"You went a bit spacey on me there girl."  
  
"You're beginning to sound like Bud."  
  
"How's he doing anyway?"  
  
"Well, everyone was really concerned about you. I think he's getting better."  
  
"What about Harriet, little AJ and baby Sarah?"  
  
"Harriet's recovering, AJ's fine-"  
  
"She's recovering from what?"  
  
"Harm, she had a miscarriage long before this, around last Christmas. Baby Sarah's dead."  
  
His face fell. "I'm sorry I'll never get to know her. Especially if she was anything like her namesake."  
  
I smiled a little at his minor compliment. "Everyone else at JAG's doing fine."  
  
"Good." He looked sort of uneasy.  
  
"Do you need something?" I asked getting up, ready to retrieve it.  
  
"I'm not in physical pain, if that's what you're asking."  
  
"What's the problem then?"  
  
"Mac-Sarah, I need to ask you something, but I'm not sure if this is the right time."  
  
"Ask me anything Harm."  
  
"Do you-could you-marry me?" he looked up hopefully.  
  
"Harm," I laughed, "it's about time you asked me that. Of course I'll marry you!" I knelt over and kissed him gently.  
  
"Wear this, until I can get you my family's ring?" he pulled off his Naval Academy ring.  
  
"I'd love to." I slide it on my finger, it fit snugly, it was still a little warm from his body heat. Far better than Mic's ring which was cold and loose.  
  
"It fits!!" I squealed. He looked at me, clearly puzzled.  
  
"Rings like this I've worn in the past didn't fit properly."  
  
"Well, this isn't a real engagement ring. It's just temporary."  
  
"What if I never give it back?"  
  
"MMMMAAAAACCCCCC!!!!!!!"  
  
Epilogue:  
  
Harm returned to the States two days later. After spending a few days in Bethesda, came home to a new house that his parents bought for him & Mac, and all of JAG had helped decorate. They were married by full military ceremony six months later at the Naval Academy. Bud was the Best Man, and Harriet the Matron of Honor. The Admiral walked Mac down the aisle. After all our favorite couple has been through, they lived happily ever after right? Well, they did when Webb didn't send them on crazy assignments, and when Mac didn't steal Harm's Academy ring.  
  
Brumby and Renée got married and lived in Australia making movies about dingoes and such....  
  
A/N: I do have another JAG story called "Mirrors of the Past" for any who would like to look at it. But I'm warning you it's over twice the length of this and still going.. 


End file.
